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Drink no longer water, but use a little wine for thy stomach’s sake.

- 1 Timothy 23

 

Washington, DC is a third world country. And not because its citizens lack suffrage.

And not because its subway shuts down at midnight on weekdays, and only has one set of tracks so there are not and can never be express trains.

And not because liquor stores are required to close on Sundays, unless those Sundays are Christmas Eve or New Years Eve.

And not because the city recently added a $1 fee for using paper metro cards instead of the new RF SmarTrip cards. An entire freaking dollar fee, imposed before the cards were available in all stations. Yeah, that's not even why DC is a third world country. That'd only make it a messed up first world country.

Here's why DC is a third world shithole:

In consideration of the National Weather Service's heat advisory, Metro customers will be permitted to carry and drink water on the system on Wednesday, July 18, 2012.

The exception to Metro's "no drinking" policy applies to water only — in stations and aboard trains, buses and MetroAccess vehicles. Customers are encouraged to use containers that can be tightly secured and to use trash receptacles to dispose of any waste.

That's right. Washingtonians are not normally allowed to carry water on the subway. The no eating or drinking rule extends to water. Water. The stuff they probably use to clean the damn subway.

Most people get to the subway using the world's most popular form of transportation, feet. And of course you know what happens when you walk when it's hot outside. You sweat. And you might need some water, both for biological need and for comfort. And DC is really freaking hot. Hotter than Alabama. And more humid, because it's a swamp. (Is. Present tense. Not "was.")

But they let you have water on hot days, isn't that what the press release specifically said?

No, the press release doesn't say you get water when it's hot. It says you get water when Nanny WMATA has decided you can. The high on July 18 was 101F. The water allowance was issued in response to the high temperature on July 17, also 101F. But, no water that day.

Also no water on July 3 and 4, when the highs were 98F and 100F respectively. No water on July 26 either, with a high of 100F.

No general rule that if the National Weather Service has predicted a high over 95F then water will be allowed on the trains, or when the NWS has issued a heat advisory. Nope. DC will not say to its citizens, and the citizens of surrounding Virginia and Maryland, that they are expected (and allowed) to behave like responsible adults.

Because the entire no eating or drinking rule relies on the premise that Washingtonians are not responsible adults. They cannot be expected to not make a mess or to clean up after themselves and put trash into trashcans.

 

People of DC, your government believes you are a barbarian and a child. Now, it might be easy enough to look at your fellow DCitizens and think "yeah, that's about right," but how about this: New York City allows people to eat or drink on the train. Water? You got it. Slice of pizza? Cool. Take-out box of spaghetti? Also cool. Slice of pizza topped with spaghetti? Go for it! And hey, just in case you didn't bring anything to eat or drink with you, some metro stops have news stands inside that will sell you refreshments.

So, people of DC, think about what that means. Your government doesn't just think you're irresponsible and uncivilized. It thinks you're a more base and inhuman animal than the common New Yorker.

[Read more from BL1Y]


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