The North Atlantic coast has been slammed by a massive sub-tropical post-hurricane superstorm of a storm frankenstormy storm. And that can only mean one thing to our attorney bretheren knee-deep in East River "water" ...idiot clients getting in to trouble. So to help you along, here are 5 messages to pass along to your post-disaster clientele:
5. If you have damage, take pictures of it. Save those pictures. And if you saved them on a laptop, make sure your laptop either unplugged, or connected through a surge protector. With repair to power lines underway, you don't want evidence of your damages to get fried.
4. If you have a generator, only connect necessary appliances to it, such as a fridge or hot water heater. Some generators are powerful enough to provide electricity to your entire house. But, when you hook it up to your house's electrical system you need to make sure that your house is taken off the main power grid. Otherwise, when repair crews come in there's a chance the juice running from your house will zap 'em.
"Hey, didn't you just say we can hook up our entire house if we just unplug from the grid?"
No, asshole. We said "you're going to either forget, or screw it up, or otherwise do something else stupid that's going to get someone killed." Just be content with your hot water and cold coldcuts. You don't need lightning in your giftwrapping room.
3. Put your generator outside. Not inside, where the carbon monoxide will kill you. Outside. Of your house.
2. If your power is out for an extended period of time, many home owners insurance policies will compensate you for lost food. It might not seem like much, but when you go to the grocery store to replace your butter, jelly, salad dressing, ketchup, mayo, yellow mustard, dijon mustard, whole grain dijon mustard, and whole grain country dijon mustard, the costs can really add up. Plus, you get a rebate for all those Lean Cuisines you weren't going to eat anyways.
1. If you've never used a chainsaw before, now's not the time to start. Get your insurance company to cover the cost of hiring professionals to remove any debris.
And for our lawyer friends who are without power, all we have to say is: Stop draining your cell phone battery reading this site.
And also: Drink the beer first before it gets warm; save the scotch.
