[This is an update to the Black Label Law Dictionary. You can read the full version here.]
Attack ad. A campaign ad which takes quotes out of context and invents half-truths in order to criticize a political opponent, despite there being plenty of things to criticize him for which are actually true.
Binders full of women. A term used by Presidential candidate and former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney to describe how many female candidates are needed for a job to find a single qualified applicant. Not to be confused with the all female Futurama cosplay group, Benders Full of Women.
Citizens United. A Supreme Court case people love to bitch about because rather than contributing their own funds to a candidate, they’d prefer to just stop other people from contributing theirs.
Debate. A televised event in which two candidates running for office attempt to make the viewing audience do shots and chug their beers.
Economy. An elusive and vengeful deity that often derails the careers of presidents. Democrats typically seek to appease this god through extensive tithing and lavish offerings, while Republicans engage in more traditional human sacrifice. Greek equivalent: Crisus.
Exit poll. A survey conducted by inconsistent and poorly trained volunteers, and which consistently, every single election, over-estimates the number of Democrat votes. Despite its history of never being correct, the mainstream media will still report on it for lack of anything better to do.
Instant runoff voting. The single most important concept for the maintenance of a modern democracy. You’ve probably never heard of it.
Landslide victory. Any election not decided by the House of Representatives or the Supreme Court.
Mandate. What politicians tell themselves they have in the absence of actual political capital.
MSNBC. A television news network dedicated to making Fox News’s “Fair and Balanced” slogan appear accurate.
Roy Moore. Current and ex Chief Justice of the Alabama Supreme Court, twice failed gubernatorial candidate, once failed presidential candidate, and arch nemesis of the Alabama Department of Tourism.
Special interest. Every interest that is not your own.
Tax loophole. (Legal) A means of exploiting the tax code to gain a deduction or other benefit not intended by the legislate. (Colloquial) A tax deduction you don’t get.
Victory party. A period of time typically running about four hours, starting with the opposing candidate’s concession speech, and ending with voters becoming disenchanted with their candidate.
Women’s vote. Despite comprising 50.8% of the population and 53% of voters, this voting block is unable to elects its own members to significant numbers of government offices, possibly due to a lack of binders.