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Maybe God Murdered All Those Kids

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After any tragedy, such as the school shooting in Newton, there's a round of playing the blame game. Guns are to blame, our mental health system, video games, you name it. And of course, this big question, how did God let this happen? That question was posed to Mike Huckabee on Fox News:

We ask why there is violence in our schools, but we have systematically removed God from our schools. Should we be so surprised that schools would become a place of carnage? Because we made it a place where we don't want to talk about eternity, life, what responsibility means, accountability. That we're not just going to be accountable to the police if they catch us, but one day we will stand before a holy God in judgement. If we don't believe that, then we don't fear that.

When people say Why did God let it happen, God wasn't armed, he didn't go to the school. But God will be there in the form of a lot of people, with hugs, with therapy, with a whole lot of ways in which I think he will be involved in the aftermath. Maybe we should let him in on the front end so we won't have to call him when all is said and done on the back end.

So the reason this shooting happened is because we've taken God out of schools? Let's look at the evidence. Not the evidence that God is being removed from schools, but that God would have helped.

In the Book of Genesis, God kills every single living child. Noah's kids were grown at the time and had wives.

God then destroys the cities of Sodom and Gamorrah, along with three neighboring cities, killing everyone, including the children.

When Moses goes to ask Pharaoh to let the Jews leave Egypt, God hardens Pharaoh's heart, and then kills all the first born Egyptian children as punishment.

Then God sends the Jews on a mission of genocide, where they wipe out all the inhabitants of what will become Israel, including all the children.

And in the Book of Job, Satan asks God if it's okay to murder all of Job's ten children, and God is totally cool with it, because it will prove to Satan just how awesome God is.

The Book of Psalms reveals that the path to happiness is smashing Babylonian babies against rocks.

So maybe the reason tragedies like this happen isn't because we removed God from our schools, but because God indiscriminately murders children all the time. He's the type of guy who would murder 20 little kids just to test Huckabee's faith in him.

Or, God is fake and the best way to prevent future tragedies is to focus on real solutions, like curbing poverty, restricting magazine sizes, and providing better mental health treatment, rather than trying to use the occasion to advocate for your invisible strongman's fan club.

[More Lit Up from Lampshade, Esq.]


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