Constitutional Daily

Founding Principles

The Tenure Paradox - Robot pimp

Slap on the Wrist for "Non-Consensual Sex" - Lampshade, Esq.

Intelligence: The Gathering - Graphic and Gratuitous

Grads are the New Illegals - Robot Pimp

Meet Entitlement Eric - Robot Pimp

Wherein I Solve World Peace - Lampshade, Esq.

A Necessary Delusion - Shadow Hand

Do you even need to shave overhead? - Lawyerlite

LSAT Jenga - Publius Picasso

Time, Place, and Manner

...Should have some links here or something.


Start a Solo Law Practice for $49.99

E-mail Print PDF


Starting your own solo law practice? When it comes to starting a small business, a law practice is one of the least-expensive options. A kitchen table and a day job to cover your bills is pretty much all you need, but you can forget about that day job, because with our tips to get your law practice up and running, you'll be making hundreds of dollars in no time. Some fancy lawyers will tell you that you need things like an office to meet clients and malpractice insurance for when you get sued, but while they're too busy worrying about getting dirt on their pristine white shoes, you'll be scooping up DUI and UPOCS defendants by the handful.

The following list of stuff will get you through your first year of solo practice, at least.  The hardware should last you another five years, if not more.  Computers? Those things last forever, plenty of lawyers are still using Windows 98.  Many well respected legal giants still use pens and paper.  Do you know how long paper has been around? For fucking ever! And it's still good! You think a computer is less durable than paper? No!

So buy this stuff once, never worry about it again.



You went to law school, right?  Then you probably got a computer already, there you go.



You're going to need some of this MS Word stuff to write your killer legal briefs on. Luckily for you, it came on that computer you got for law school. Forget about it!



Can you say G-mail? G-mail gives you a nearly infinite amount of storage space for free. E-mail all your hot docs to yourself and there's your backup system.

What if Google loses your data?

What, you think you're better than Google? These Google guys went to fucking college for this stuff, okay? They'll back your shit up. Don't be such a know-it-all prick.


Phone Service

That thing in your pocket, next to all the condoms you have to carry because of the crazy tail you'll get from being the winningest lawyer around, well guess what genius, that's a fucking phone! You already have one.

You know what you call someone who has two phones? A fucking douchebag.

Don't be a fucking douchebag.

But you don't want your clients calling you at home? Get Google Voice, they'll get you another number for free and route those calls to your phone or your online voice mail. Plus, you can give it to credit card companies, so when collection calls start, you can just ditch that number and get another.



Lexis and WestLaw are expensive, but they're unnecessary. You went to law school right? What were you studying for three years? You passed the bar, you're a fucking lawyer, why should you have to spend hundreds of dollars to run a single search just to find out what you already know?

If you ever do need to learn something new, just go to the library. Is Lexis access part of law school rankings? No. Law libraries are. You think you know better than Bob Morse? No. Use your fucking law library.


Copying, Printing, Scanning, Faxing

How'd you print stuff in law school? Keep using that.

Okay, now you are going to need a scanner, but you can get one for $49.99.

Copying? Just scan and print!

Fax? The fuck is a fax? Scan and e-mail, and tell those old fogies to get out of the way, there's a new hot shot lawyer in town, and it's you.


Adding it all up

Scanner: $49.99

Total: $49.99

That's it! I have fucking shoes that cost more than that!


So what about the next year? Good news for you. You already have the scanner, meaning your cost of doing business is now zero. Expenses? Forget about it! Now you can spend your time pounding the pavement and talking sweet old ladies into letting you help them claim social security benefits and write their asshole children who never visit out of the will.

[Read more from Lawyerlite]

blog comments powered by Disqus

Philadelphia Lawyer, Unfiltered

The finest blend of analysis, advice, and fury on the internet. Sour mash, oak barrel aged, published at cask strength.


Most Recent Article:

In Defense of Risk (Happy Fourth of July)

All Articles from The Philadelphia Lawyer

Author Profile

The Robot Pimp

An in depth look at the emerging intersection of law, behavioral economics, and robots.

Most Recent Article:

The Tenure Paradox

All Articles from The Robot Pimp

Author Profile

Practice Makes Putrid

Legal practice would be all rainbows and buttercups, if it weren't for the clients, and opposing counsel, and co-counsel, and judges, and the law.

Most Recent Article:

Eat Mor Fiv Freedums

All Articles from The Namby Pamby

Author Profile

Gin and Glannon's

As Shadow Hand suffers through law school, the rest of us get a little Schadenfreude.

Most Recent Article:

I Just Work Here

All Articles From Shadow Hand

Author Profile

Irresistible Impulse

Dr. Rob Dobrenski's daring expedition into the psychology of lawyers and the law. (Not a substitute for a life well lived.)

Most Recent Article:

You're Not a Failure, You're a Narcissist

All Articles from Dr. Rob

Author Profile

Graphic and Gratuitous

Sometimes cartoons are the highest form of communication. Those times are known as "most of the time."

Most Recent Cartoons:

Intelligence: The Gathering

All Cartoons

There And Never Back Again

Defunct Big Law attorney BL1Y shares his misadventures as a writer who accidentally went to law school.


Most Recent Article:


All Articles from BL1Y

Author Profile

Lampshade, Esquire

We're dealing with some technical difficulties here. Hold up a minute.

All Articles From Lampshade, Esq.

Staff Infections

News, humor, and other non-billables from our underpaid, uncredited, unsexy staff.


News Articles

Smaller News Bits

Large Numbers of Law

Mixed Bag of Lawesome


Scofflaw Multistate Bar Review